


Where We Go From Here

by Lady_Bluebird



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Universe, Established Relationship, Heavy Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:49:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25194208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Bluebird/pseuds/Lady_Bluebird
Summary: Eren and Levi find each other and closure. Post-chapter 130.
Relationships: Levi Ackerman/Eren Yeager
Comments: 12
Kudos: 83





	Where We Go From Here

**Author's Note:**

> I needed to express my thoughts and feelings about chapter 130, and this one-shot was my outlet.

Before Eren went rogue, life was good. Even though the world was going to shit, and the cost of even small victories was astronomical, while Levi and Eren had each other, Levi could take things day by day without turning into an emotional wreck. As important as Hange and Erwin were in Levi’s life, and as crucial as Mikasa and Armin were in Eren's, Eren and Levi had been necessary for each other in a way that even their close friends weren't. 

Levi remembered a multitude of perfect moments: Siting with Eren on the roof of HQ one pre-uprising night, Eren’s eyes shining brighter than the stars, dangling his feet into open air and unafraid of falling. Their first, hurried kiss before the expedition to reclaim Shiganshina, Levi grabbing a fistful of Eren’s cloak and pulling him down to meet his mouth. More kisses between meetings. Hands brushing against each other in hallways. Tangled, sweaty sheets in the dark. The steady rhythm of their synced heartbeats.

Life had been beautiful. 

“You fucking dipshit, Eren,” Levi said, standing with Eren on Marley’s coast, “You really screwed us all, you know that?”

If Erwin were still alive, where would he have drawn the line? Erwin had been endlessly pragmatic and willing to do whatever it took to free the island, but if he had lived to see how far Eren was going, even Erwin would have thought this was too far. When would the late commander have decided to cut his losses and order Levi to execute Eren? After Eren’s assault on Libero? After the Yeagerists’ coup? 

Or, since the dead weren’t coming back to answer Levi’s questions, it made more sense to ask himself this: When had his emotions compromised him? 

Levi lost countless nights wondering where things started going FUBAR. It was probably when they reached the sea. Seeing the ocean with Armin had been one of Eren’s ultimate goals, and in the moment of what should have been his greatest triumph, Eren was let down by the realization that the war was far from over. It broke something in him. 

Eren watched Levi with a bleak look that reminded the captain of that first day on the ocean, when Eren had looked out to the horizon and questioned where this war would end. Now, on the opposite shore, there was blood in the surf around them. The corps had been too late for Libero. 

“You, of all people, should understand,” Eren said. 

Levi frowned. “Why you decided to commit genocide? No, I don’t fucking understand that.” 

Levi also didn’t understand why he hung back while the rest of the corps hurried inland, following the colossal titans’ destruction, or why Eren had also stayed behind. Using his batshit oracle powers to know that Levi would try to find him, no doubt. When Levi saw Eren waiting for him, he wondered if this was the time to end the war, but, as much as it made him feel like shit to do it, Levi couldn’t fight Eren now.

He probably would always feel that way. Whenever Levi thought about ending Eren, part of him screamed, _Wait! Give him a chance!_ Even though there were no chances left to give. 

This fucking man brought out the worst in Levi. The best of him, too, although not anymore. 

“I mean that you understand what it’s like to turn yourself into a monster for the freedom of others,” Eren said. The courtroom flashed before Levi’s eyes. He had felt like shit hurting Eren, and he realized that, if he ever had to kill the boy the way he'd promised Zackly he would, it would break him.

____

What Jean used to say about Eren still held true. Fucking self-sacrificial, suicidal bastard. “No freedom will come from this, Eren,”

____

“I don’t expect to be free,” Eren said, so calm that Levi wanted to strangle him. Levi had disliked young, naïve Eren, even though his hope had been endearing, but he hated this desolate extreme even more. Levi had seen a middle ground before. Was it only a transitional phase?

____

“Nobody in the years to come will be free, either,” Levi said. “You’re no savior, Eren. Every person on the island will live with the burden of what you did to give them their lives. You’re dooming us all,” 

____

“Nobody will have to live with the burden of what I did to make them free,” Eren countered. “I can make them forget. The past won’t hurt anyone if they only know the world as I make it.”

____

Levi’s stomach rolled. “Not all of us will forget.” The founding titan’s powers couldn’t affect the Ackermans. That was both a blessing and a curse. Levi would fight like hell not to forget Eren, but the shifter was also torture to think about. “Unless you intend to kill Mikasa and me,” Levi added lowly. 

____

They both knew that it was a possibility. It would probably come down to Levi, Mikasa, Annie, and the others against Eren. Who would strike the final blow, Levi couldn’t say. 

____

It would be difficult for Levi to do his duty, or at least what was left of his duty given the survey corps’ near-nonexistence, but if he hesitated, human life beyond the island would end. Levi wondered if Eren was confident in his own ability to strike down the people he loved. 

____

“Do you remember the advice you gave me, Levi?” Eren asked. “You told me to try not to regret the choices that I make. Of all the choices I had, this was the one that I regret the least.”

____

Fuck, if this is what Eren regretted doing the least, then the other options must have been some truly horrific shit. Nevertheless, Levi couldn’t accept Eren’s decision. 

____

“You made a mistake,” Eren told Levi. “by not killing me sooner.”

____

Even hearing it from Eren himself, Levi didn’t like the confirmation. 

____

“You may have to finish what your brother started,” Levi told him. 

____

Fleetingly, Eren's face spasmed with guilt, reminding Levi of how he used to be. “I never wanted you to be hurt,” Eren said. “Seeing what Zeke did to you - God, Levi, it makes me sick.” 

____

"What else did you expect to happen?” Levi asked. 

____

If anything, Levi was surprised he hadn’t been mutilated sooner. When he woke up in the woods with Hange, Levi had taken his injuries as a sign that his time was finally running out. That had been the case with Erwin – fine for years, and then dying shortly after losing his arm. Levi knew that Hange entertained the same musings since losing their eye, although they adamantly rejected Levi’s similar thoughts when he vocalized them. 

____

Before Eren’s undercover mission to Libero, Levi thought, for the first time in his life, that he could live to have a domestic, peaceful relationship with someone. Now, he was a soldier who was too old to be a soldier. 

____

“I’ll try to avoid you and the others,” Eren said. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

____

Levi’s heart was heavy. “You know you won’t be able to do that. We’re going to catch you.” 

____

“I figured as much,” Eren said. “Have you thought about what you’ll do if you kill me?” He asked Levi. “About what comes after, I mean,” 

____

The sea spray around them, splattering Levi’s cheeks and lips, wasn’t as salty as his tears had been when he considered that future. 

____

“Can’t you see what’s going to happen?” Levi asked Eren. “You don’t need me to answer that question.” 

____

“That’s different from what you want to happen,” Eren said. 

____

Levi shook his head. “It still doesn’t matter. I can’t have the future that I want.” And didn't that make life a cruel joke.

____

Eren looked at the Libero’s ruins. “Do you want to know how it ends?” 

____

What a cruel life, to know that your future was planned out for you and how it would hurt the people you loved. The shifter’s burden must be beyond atlas-esque. If Levi said yes, it would be a relief for Eren. 

____

“No,” Levi said. 

____

Eren nodded. 

____

Erwin and Hange would have said yes, but Levi wanted one, single moment of comfort in his miserable life. Levi needed to be able to have blank spaces so that he could fill them in with something hopeful. 

____

Truthfully, Levi didn’t see any path forward. Recently, every choice felt increasingly meaningless. He had never been machinal, but more and more, he wondered if he was only fighting for the sake of fighting. 

____

Maybe that was the position Eren was in, too: Struggling for freedom because their backs were up against a wall that they couldn’t scale, entering their death throes. 

____

“I’m sorry,” Eren said, “that it had to come to this. You make me understand why having romantic aspirations for other soldiers in the corps was frowned upon,”

____

Levi couldn’t look at Eren. He understood too. Levi had spent his whole life in pain, but the agony of losing Eren was intolerable. 

____

“I don’t regret any of our time together, though,” Eren said. 

____

“I wish I could say otherwise,” Levi agreed. 

____

“Do you really?”

____

“It would make this easier,” Levi said. 

____

“We usually didn’t make things easy for each other.” Under different conditions, Eren would have smiled. Levi might have, too. 

____

“It would have been kinder of you not to tell me shit about your feelings,” Levi said, “given what I’m going to have to do to you.” 

____

Eren did smile then. “I haven’t exactly been kind recently,” 

____

“That’s a fucking understatement,” Levi said. “Do you think about everybody who died protecting you because they thought you were our last hope? Petra? Hannes? All of the scouts massacred in battles that you caused?” It was one of the many burning questions that Levi had for Eren. 

____

“Constantly,” Eren said. “They’re killing me faster than the curse.”

____

“Do you understand that their deaths are fucking pointless now?” Levi demanded. 

____

“If you’re asking me that because you want to give me a chance to redeem myself,” Eren said quietly, “it’s pointless. You know that’s not how I see my actions,” 

____

“I don’t want mass murder to be the way you protect us,” Levi said. 

____

“I know. It doesn’t matter,” Eren said. 

____

Of all of the aspects of this shitshow, that was one that made Levi particularly angry. Over the years, he and Eren had fostered healthy, mutual respect, and they became a fucking _great_ team. Each other’s input had always been crucial and appreciated. Sometime after the ocean, that communication and coordination broke down. Levi was especially frustrated because it wasn’t his fault. It was just that something he couldn’t touch had split their shared path. 

____

“I fucking know it doesn’t,” Levi felt a million years old. “It’s exactly how you operate,” Levi expected nothing less of his infuriatingly, inspiringly stubborn Eren. 

____

“I’ve forced the people around me to make massive sacrifices,” Eren said, “and I’ve made many myself. Of all of mine, you are my greatest sacrifice, Levi. I wish we could have been something else,”

____

“Me too, brat,” Lately, a future with Eren made Levi feel more sick than exhilarated, but he could never stop his thoughts from circling back to fantasies. “When Erwin kicked the bucket, I figured that I’d probably lose everything to this fucking war,” Levi said. “I hoped that I would get to keep you, though.” 

____

“I used to think the same thing,” Eren said. He looked decades older than he had when Levi last saw him. Maybe it was the curse, or the weight of his choices, but either way, Eren had the creased face of someone twice his age. “Lately, though, have you wondered if it was always going to end this way?”

____

“No,” Levi said, his skin prickling at the thought. 

____

“Maybe us being enemies is true to who we’ve always been,” Eren persisted.

____

“Don’t fucking tell me that,” Levi said. 

____

"I saw an idea in one of my predecessor's memories," Eren said. "What happens when an unstoppable force meets an unmovable object? It's fitting. Maybe I was always going to get out of hand, and you were always going try to stop me." 

Levi didn't respond. “You can’t forgive me,” Eren stated. 

____

“Are you only realizing that now?” Levi asked. “If you want me to tell you that I forgive you so that you can have some closure before the end, tough luck.” 

____

Eren laughed, the sound abrupt and empty. “I don’t expect you to do that.” He frowned at the surf. “You know, about my death… There are…” He hesitated. “It’s complicated. Ymir will have to show me. I don’t understand it. But there are ways to keep me from being completely gone.” 

____

The hope that Eren's words sparked terrified Levi. Maybe, if that was possible, then things could be alright after all, but Levi had the creeping suspicion that, “Whatever the fuck that means, things will never be the same. There’s no way to fix any of this. Ever.” That was the worst part of this shitshow. Even if Eren escaped the curse, or was reincarnated, or somehow survived through other demon-given titan shit, the two of them could never go back to the way things used to be.

____

They could only move forward, approaching whatever waited on the other side of Libero’s dust. 

____

The sun was setting. In a few minutes, Levi would have to catch up with the others. The next time he talked to Eren would be on a battlefield. 

____

“Do you still love me?” Eren asked.

____

“Didn’t we just talk about how pointless your questions are?” Under different circumstances, Eren might have smiled. Levi might have, too. 

____

“I don't know this answer, actually," Eren said. "You don’t owe me anything, Levi,” He added, “especially not now, but I need you to tell me either way. Please.”

____

Levi had to close his eyes and collect himself. It was hard not to cry. “I still fucking love you, Eren," Levi said, meeting Eren's gaze again. His eyes were still beautiful. "So fucking much." 

____

New Eren was much less of an open book than Old Eren, but Levi didn't miss the minute, relieved sag of his shoulders. Eren sighed as if savoring Levi's words, the sea breeze whipping his long hair around him. “I still love you, too, Levi," He said. "No matter what happens, I’ll always love you.” 

____

Part of Levi screamed for one more kiss, one more embrace, one more, final moment that would shut out reality and take a weight off of his soul. 

But this was the end. Their love couldn’t go further than those words.

____

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, and I'm sorry if I made your heart hurt too badly! Getting notifications about kudos and comments has been one of the most uplifting parts of my day during these crazy times, so please leave me something! Also feel free to say hi to me on [ Tumblr ](https://lady-bluebird-luv.tumblr.com/). I'll update my longer works soon, but I needed to get this out of my system.
> 
> [These songs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?reload=9&v=Bn7eYibzmTs) came to mind during the writing process.


End file.
